My path to forgiveness began with acceptance. One of the things that resonated most with me as a child, along with 'think about the things you say, your word is what will be remembered of you' was that the truest way to love the world is as a whole. The message I take from all the suffering in the world is that to have true peace we must all accept one another. We must know that each of us is different, and show kindness even in the face of evil. Negative emotions sent out into the world will be reciprocated, so the only way to kill evil is to show it love.
I accept the negative things that have happened to me by way of other people. I accept it because I know that if I don't, it would reflect off of me into the place I'm trying to make more beautiful. My goal is to reflect goodness, to get beyond myself as an individual to myself as an example, myself as a lifetime, as a whole.
To be specific I accept my father. I know that his actions are unjustified, I know that he is paying for his past choices, his past reflection of himself. But I accept that he is on his own path to himself. He is on his own journey to peace. Though his actions may affect my life, that does not make them MY LIFE. I forgive him his choices because if I make a mistake, if I hurt him, I want the same for myself. I want to be forgiven. It may never happen that I harm him, but I know that by showing him my love, showing him that no matter his faults he is not turned away, showing him that I forgive his past actions, even if they hurt me, he may learn to change his own future.
Because I forgive him, however, does not mean that I will give him the opportunity to cause me harm again. My life has been changed in the direction of good since he left it, and he now understands that. I am not indebted to him, I do not have to involve myself with him further. It would only give him the chance to hurt me again, and he is not at a point in his journey that he would be able to handle that responsibility. In refusing him that right, that privilege, I am not reflecting negativity into the world, nor am I reflecting a great amount of positivity. Hopefully someday our relationship will mutually reflect love and happiness, but that will take time and effort. Time and effort on both parts. So in the meantime I can help him by the gift of example. By moving forward instead of lingering on the past.
We have very different lives in some ways, Marlie. But I believe we show each other happiness, that we bring good to the world in our friendship. Hopefully in the future you will be able to see more clearly the good that has come of your past, and show that to the world. Turn your sadness into joy, reflect it to the world. Show them the person you have become in changing. You're on your way; we're all on our way.